johnny's `JOURNAL

[Abbey Sue Benson]

JOHNDAVISCOOPER

EVERYTHINGYOUWANTEDTOKNOW
ANDMORE.

-------------------------

[Abbey Sue Benson]

DEARJOURNAL,

blahblahblahtextblahblahblah.

LOVE,JOHNNY.

[John Davis Cooper]

DEARJOURNAL,

oh, hey, how are you today? that's good to hear. me? i'm not so good. in fact, no, much worse than just that. i feel like just curling up into a ball and dying. seriously. what's wrong? oh, nothing much. except that my mum died today. which sucks, cause today was going to be such a good day. we had an incursion today at school. the reptile guy came and he brought all these snakes and lizards and stuff and it was really cool. but yeah, guess the good stuff had to end eventually. i only wish it hadn't gone so soon. i don't even know how she died. i just got home from school, expected her to be there, waiting for me at the door, ready to give me a big hug and ask me about my day. but she wasn't. i figured she must just have gone out of something, perhaps to go get some groceries. which was odd, because she had only gone shopping two days ago. but i didn't really think much of it. but then dad had come home and i knew something was wrong. he's eyes were red, like he'd been crying, which was definately odd cause my dad never cries. he's tough like that. and he smelt like alcohol. i asked him where mum was, he didn't answer. i asked him when she'd be coming back. he just turned around and looked at me for a while before saying that she wasn't coming back. ever. then he went back outside. it took me a while to realise what he meant. hey, i might be young, but even i can piece two and two together. later on my uncle stopped by. by then i had realised that mum was dead and had been crying in my room. i don't usually cry, i try to be strong like dad, but i couldn't help myself. he sat next to me and told me it'd be alright, that we'd get through it together. i want to believe him. but i don't know if i can. mums gone. and i know that nothing will ever be the same again. how can we get through that? i don't know if i can. i loved her so much, i still do. i saw her just this morning, but already i miss her like nothing else. i want her to come back, but i know she can't. she's gone. forever.

LOVE,JOHNNY.

[John Davis Cooper]

DEARJOURNAL,

life sorta sucks right now. ever since mum died, things just haven't been the same. especially dad. the old man's changed big time. okay, so he always used to have a beer or so on occassion, but now, he's almost constantly drunk. hardly a day goes by where he's completely sober. sure, we were all sad when she went. i should know right. she was my mum after all. but it's been a year now. i've managed to come to terms with what's happened, so why can't he? it just makes me so angry sometimes. he's the adult. he should be the strong one, the one who keeps everything under control. but he's just fallen apart. it's like he doesn't even care anymore. not about the business, not about the himself, not even about me. it all just doesn't matter anymore. he's too busy pitying himself. too busy drowning his sorrows in yet another bottle of whiskey. or is it vodka today. whatever. thankgod uncle steves here now. who knows what'd happen if he wasn't. well, the business would obviously die. but i mean more than that. i know, he's never hit me before, but sometimes, when he's in one of his rages, fuelled by the alcohol of course, he just gets so violent. it really is quite scary. usually i'll just stay up in my room and try to block it all out. but sometimes, ignoring it is just impossible. he yells and throws stuff and knocks over furniture. lucikly, steve usually manages to calm him down before he can hurt himself, or anyone else. i makes me wonder just how safe it is here anymore, how safe it is with him. that i don't know, perhaps i never will. but i do know that he scares me sometimes. sometimes, i just feel like running away and never coming back. maybe it'd be better that way. but i can't. not yet. red needs me. i can't leave him here. but where would i find space for me and a horse. no, i'll stay for now. as long as steve's here it'll be fine. i hope.

LOVE,JOHNNY.